


beyond

by erigomjen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, at least that's what i intended to do, mentions of mpreg, this is sadder than my existence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 13:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20115919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erigomjen/pseuds/erigomjen
Summary: Jeno fails to understand why Jaemin is crying alone in the cold streets.





	beyond

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [beyond](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/504346) by _laugheisis. 

> hello! here's another translation from my works in spanish. if you like it, don't forget to follow me on twitter @laugheisis for future content.

It was the third night in a row he saw him crying.

Without knowing exactly why, Jeno saw Jaemin's tears falling down his pretty face, soaking his dirty clothes as he whined in pain, brushing his stomach with the palm of his hand in an attempt to ease the ache.

Though he could clearly see his lips moving, Jeno couldn't hear him at all. Jaemin was mumbling something to himself as Jeno laid in the middle of the damp asphalt, he could distinguish him wailing, crying and wiping his tears away with the nape of his other hand, and Jeno was annoyed by his incapability of hearing whatever the hell he was saying.

Was he talking to him? Was he angry? He could never know.

Something at the back of his head told him Jaemin was the name of the boy, and that Jaemin was important for some reason he still failed to understand.

The only thing he could hear, was the high-pitched echo of brakes being pulled and the sound of the drizzling rain crashing against the car windows, and besides that, the only feeling he could barely identify was the struggle to move an inch from the cold asphalt, dirty and scratching half of his body as he tried to pull himself away from the ground.

The poor crying devil was sitting in the concrete of the sidewalk, in the middle of the quiet, lonely night, at the back of a convenience store. He occasionally munched on a piece of old bread, and continued wailing as he looked at the cloudy sky, as if he pleaded to make something other than rain falling from up there. 'Nothing will come down, Jaemin! You're nothing but delusional', he wanted to tell him, but again, he was incapable.

He pitied him, Jaemin was alone and seemed to be hungry, but it was his fault! The boy must be dumb or something, because he could perfectly go home to his loving mum and ask her to make a delicious hot soup, and even though he couldn't feel it, Jeno knew that the evening rain made the thermometer decrease a few degrees, and oh!, he also remembered Jaemin's mother, for some weird reason. Siyeon was a nice woman, Jeno couldn't understand why Jaemin didn't go to her.

He didn't want to believe Jaemin was entirely stupid, to be more specific, but Jeno had no other option when the other boy laid down on the cold, damp concrete. That kid didn't learn a thing! He had clearly told him to put some cardboard or perhaps some papers between the floor and his body to, at least, prevent the cold from entering his body. What a silly boy!

Oh, yes. Jeno remembered that. He had told him once, when they were in the darkness of a gelid room. They didn't have more than a dirty old mattress, and Jeno was about to go out... but still failed to remember why.

Motivated by the need to cover him, Jeno pulled his body away from the damp asphalt where he had been all this time, his bones cracked painlessly, and shivers ran through his left side as if a gentle breeze were brushing his dripping rib cage. It smelled like burnt meat and gasoline, disgusting, but bearable.

Walking towards him wasn't that complicated, though his body felt loose, as if he had broken the entirety of it. Sitting next to Jaemin didn't imply any pain, but what made Jeno uneasy was to see that boy struggling in his dream as if he was having a nightmare. He looked tired, almost like he had been carrying a thousand years of pain on his shoulders.

"Jaemin ah," he called him, but the boy was so deep in slumber, regardless of the dangerous, lonely, cold streets "I told you to stay at home, why did you get out of there?"

Jeno stroked Jaemin's hair, moving aside the brown locks from his forehead. He remembers very well having told Jaemin he was going to get some food, and also has in mind the very precise words he said: 'you two must eat well', though he wasn't sure about having another person around, neither why Jaemin didn't stay with them to the point that he ended up sleeping in the streets.

Jeno let out a long sigh, he wanted to cover Jaemin with the newspaper or give him his jacket, but instead he ignored that desire, mainly because he inexplicably couldn't do it all by himself.

He decided to watch him sleep, and smiled at the sight of his slightly open mouth. Jaemin really must be tired. Jeno remembers all the times he used to stay over at Jaemin's house and kept awake just to admire his face while sleeping, specially when he looked all cute like that, with the long lashes brushing the skin under his eyes, and the soft mumbling he often did.

Oh, that's true. he also remembers the ceiling covered with neon stars and the cartoon stickers on the walls, also the very big bed ― almost the triple of size compared to his ― where they used to build castles and shelters and every thing they had in mind. And Jeno wondered again why didn't Jaemin go back to that place, instead of spending the night somewhere so disgusting that it stank of seared meat, gasoline and blood.

"Maybe Siyeon was right, baby. You should've stayed with her."

Jeno unconsciously smiled. He continued on stroking Jaemin's locks and with the nape of his hand, caressed the damp cheeks very softly. His eyes wandered through the dirty coat barely covering him from the cold weather, and followed the way of his arm, which hand rested on his stomach just like a moment ago.

It was a bit plump, Jaemin must be suffering from something really serious to have his belly like that, but, what could it be? The boy rarely ate something without making himself puke.

'Ah, Jaemin', he thought, 'I told you to drink some tea to ease the morning sickness'. And yes, Jeno remembers now having repeated that over and over again, until he had to give up and make some of those teas every morning before going to work... or at least, spending the day trying to find a job.

They lacked so many things in the dirty room they had, but still had each other, and yet Jeno failed to comprehend what the hell was Jaemin doing out there when he should go find some shelter for him and the baby! No matter how much he had to plead to his mother.

Oh... that's true. They were going to have a baby.

The smile that took over his face was indescriptible. Tears gathered in his eyes and Jeno wanted to jump and scream of the joy he felt just to know that they were expecting a baby girl... but he didn't want to wake him up, not when he could have at least one tranquil night of sleep, although it was on the streets.

And oh, he remembers why Jaemin wasn't with his mother. She never supported them in their relationship, though when she didn't know about it, Siyeon would love Jeno as if he was her own son. When she found out they were together, things changed a lot, and sweet eyes turned into dark expressions of disapproval. Things got worse when she knew about the baby, and not because his pregnant son was a disgrace, not at all! But it was hard to move forward when everyone just turned their backs at them.

But they still loved each other, they would move on as Jeno promised. They would give their baby a home and love her so, so much, always being supportive parents to her ― her!, because Jeno was so sure, no matter how much Jaemin insisted otherwise, that they would have a precious baby girl who would have Jaemin's smile, like the moon enlightening a dark night.

"Jaemin ah, please go back to your mom. She misses you so much, and you could hurt our Minji if you stay here" he mumbled to the sleeping boy, but he barely moved, as if he was having the most peaceful night in his life, sleeping in soft cotton and silk instead of the hard, cold concrete. "You'd better go to her in the morning, and tell her I'm sorry."

Not minding all those fights and hurting words, Jeno still knew he couldn't hate the love of his life's mother, not when she gave him the best of gifts. It wasn't like Siyeon didn't accept Jaemin being gay, but the fact that he loved a poor devil with no future, without preparation and that just made promises of a better life out of nowhere... it made her sick. But that devil, that worth nothing man, was about to hold a family on his shoulders with no fear.

If only Jaemin had fallen in love with someone else, someone with money, he wouldn't have to be going though all these, sleeping on the streets, eating old bread soaked in rain, cold and aching for the hard sidewalk serving as a bed. If only Jeno hadn't kissed Jaemin for the first time when they were seventeen, maybe they wouldn't have loved each other so passionately, hidden his relationship from the others for months, and then years, until they were caught up, and maybe the adrenaline of seeing in secret wouldn't have led them to become parents by accident.

Jeno shook those silly ideas away from his head, having kissed Jaemin was the best of ideas he could've ever had, and though he lost his charm to Ms. Na, he had gained something much better, being that his family: Nana, Minji and him. 'Cause oh, yeah, his baby princess would be named Minji, he knew that, his heart told him.

All those thoughts ran through his head until the first morning sun rays came from the horizon. What a short night was that! And though he kept wide awake, he felt not even a bit of tiredness.

He cheered an annoyed Jaemin to stand up, he must be really moody 'cause he didn't spare a glance towards him, and saw him thinking about who knows what for a long time, holding back his tears and rubbing his belly. Jeno knew his Nana was worried about the baby, but also felt pain for the unsatisfied hunger. He was glad to see he used the last dimes for paying the bus ticket, and in no time, he had arrived to his neighbourhood.

Ah, those streets he used to hate, where the only good thing was Jaemin. Jeno felt like it had been such an eternity since he last was there.

They passed by the old, modest house where Jeno lived, where the stray dog he rescued stopped barking to cry at the sight of the two boys walking past. Jeno felt such pity, and could see Jaemin did too, but he thought he could say hello to his parents later, maybe ask him if they didn't hate him anymore.

"C'mon, Nana. Let's go to your mom" he encouraged, and felt glad he at least listened for once.

Once in the threshold, Jaemin hesitated. Jeno wanted to cheer him up, say something brave to encourage him, but decided to remain silent. Jaemin only needed some time.

After a deep, long breath, the younger walked the few remaining steps and knocked on the door. He waited for a few seconds, and when the door opened, it was when Jeno saw him breaking apart.

He wanted to cry as well, it hurt him a lot to see him suffering like that, but felt tranquil to know that at least, Siyeon didn't reject his touch and instead, brushed his locks with the motherly love Jaemin needed so much.

"Jaemin, Jaemin my boy! I'm so sorry, love! Please! I'm so sorry!" Siyeon whined desperately, holding her son as if she was holding onto her life. "This is all my fault, my fault! If I hadn't let you go... I should've supported you both."

Siyeon cried her heart out in every word, she looked even more broken than Jaemin did, out of regret, perhaps, about something Jeno still didn't understand.

"I haven't slept in days, mom, can´t stop crying" Jaemin sobbed. "He just-just went out 'cause I told him I was hungry. God! I shouldn't have! I shouldn't have, mom!" oh, poor boy, his Nana could barely speak and it was breaking his heart. "I went to that place last night, I could almost feel him there... I can't bear this anymore! I need him, God, I need him so much. I need him back.

"It's not your fault, my baby" Siyeon kissed his temple and lulled him in an attempt to calm him down.

"It's not, love, the driver was drunk" Jeno mumbled to the boy, he wanted to brush his hair, but held himself back from doing it 'cause he didn't want to stain him with the blood and damp stuck in his skin, he also had some pieces of asphalt embedded in his flesh, and that bothered him 'cause it didn't let him touch his boyfriend properly. "It doesn't hurt anymore, Jaemin, see?" he smiled in an attempt to calm him, he even showed Jaemin his hands in open and closed fists repeatedly!, but the boy was so immersed in his sadness that he didn't see him. Or perhaps, he couldn't even see him at all.

"That car broke his ribs and his skull. It was instantaneous."

"It was, love" Jeno agreed "that's why it didn't hurt."

Reality had just hit Jeno, but it wasn't that shocking. At the back of his mind, he knew it, it's just that he couldn't find the way to explain it to himself.

He had left Jaemin alone, and it was the last of things he would've done in life.

"Come on in, baby, we'll go see a doctor. I promise you I won´t leave you alone, sweetie" Siyeon breathed out while rubbing Jaemin's back soothingly. "I promise you, love, we'll do it for him. Jeno would've never leave you alone."

Jeno stayed in the threshold as mother and son went inside the house, and felt content to see that he was left in good hands. She would take care of him, for sure, and Jeno closed his eyes in relief.

Out in the street, he could see his dog in the middle of the asphalt, whining in sadness and leaning in towards him, still with fear. Jeno smiled and kneel down to pet his dog.

"Yongsa-yah, don't you cry, huh?" he felt pity for the dog, who hid his head in between his legs as he wailed. "Take care of mom and dad, okay? They feel really sad. You should better go home" he smiled. He could listen to Jaemin and Siyeon already going out from the house, and Jeno knew it was time for him to go. "Yongsa-yah, don't stay in the middle of the street, or a car could run over you too!"

✦

"If we had made a bet, you would've lost" Jeno barely knows how many times he had repeated that to Jaemin, and though things were very different from what he had dreamed, at least everything was alright. He was happy just to see the loves of his life playing in the bedroom filled with toys for baby Minji, surrounded by peach-coloured walls with white details. The baby was indeed a girl, and yes, she was also name Minji as he had predicted. Another score for daddy Lee. "Daddy is a little stubborn sometimes, Minji-ah" he mumbled to his daughter, who stared at him with curious doe eyes and a soft smile as he stayed at the room door. "You'll learn to understand him, 'cause everything he does is four your own good, got it?"

The little baby laughed happily, showing a glimpse of teeth starting to grow.

"What's so fun, love?" Jaemin asked as if his daughter could answer. "Oh, got an idea,. I'm gonna show you something, Minji-ah" he said lively, he left Minji on the baby chair and rummaged inside one of the drawers, where he found the photo album he printed.

The moment he opened it to the first page, a letter sized picture showed a smiley Jeno sitting on a bench at some park. Jaemin took the picture out and handed it to the baby, but before he could say anything, Minji quickly called out for him.

"Daddy!"

Jaemin freezed. A strong sensation took over his chest and grew when Minji filled the photo with small kisses as if she knew who Jeno was, as if something told her that the man in there was indeed her dad, the same who passed away in a car accident two years ago.

The girl didn't stop smiling at the picture, meanwhile Jaemin couldn't decide between crying for the pain it still caused to him, or the joy to know that her daughter's superior instinct allowed her to recognise her own blood.

"Yes, love" he cried, though his wide smile tried to hide his tears "he is daddy, Jeno is your dad. He would be so happy to know your first word was for him."

The baby shook her feet excitedly, Jaemin held her in his arms and filled her cheeks with kisses. They played with the toys for a long time and when she was tired, Jaemin lulled her until both of them fell asleep. Jeno admired the beautiful sight of them in peace, and though he knew there was no way to wake them up, he still walk carefully to kiss their foreheads, delivering all his love in that gesture.

The baby opened her eyes and smiled at him again, so energetic as Jaemin was.

"Daddy's right, Minji-ah. I'm so happy to know your first word was for me." he mumbled, softly caressing her tender cheek, fascinated by the way she babbled. "Never forget daddy, would you? Though you won't be able to see me, I'll forever take care of you, and you dad. Always listen to him, tell him you love him, do it for me, alright?" he continued, this time Minji's smile turned into an expression of curiosity, as if she tried to understand.

"Daddy" she babbled again, and Jeno didn't know if he should feel glad to see Jaemin still asleep, or tell him off from beyond for not feeling Minji moving, but he couldn't complain, not when his Nana did all the best with their baby.

"Daddy wants you to be good, love. I promise to come see you soon, no matter if you can't see me" he said for the last time before fading with the night shades.

The moment he woke up, Jaemin thought about the precious dream he had. He dreamed of him and Jeno seeing Minji playing among flowers as they held hands and Jeno promised to stay forever by his side.

"I know, my love" he smiled to the photography he just put back inside the album, brushing the image of Jeno's face with his thumb, "I know you're always with us."


End file.
